Hey Lady, Don’t Be A Dick

Hey lady at Blaze Pizza,

Yeah, you. I’m talking to you, the one holding the table for four during prime time dinner rush. I totally get that you saw the long line of people waiting to order their pizza and the restaurant seating was near capacity and that you wanted to hold the table for your family. So you did what we’ve all done at some point in our lives and called dibs on a table from a couple that was getting up. Hell, I’ve done that and sent my wife/friend/co-worker to stake a claim on some seating. But if you see me holding a pizza in each hand and three kids wrapped around my legs looking for a place to sit, why not do the right thing and let my family sit down since we’re ready to eat and your party has yet to order.

Thankfully the table in front of you witnessed the entire exchange and offered their table to us since they were just finishing up and also proceeded to try and clean the table quickly. So I wasn’t put out for too long. Those people, now I like those people. Those are my kind of people. You, though, not so much.

But I bet you felt a little bit bad for telling me you called dibs already on that table you sat down at ’cause you did finally offer your table to us as long as you get the next table the nice family offered to us. But not THAT bad though, right?  ‘Cause when my wife answers you with “It’s up to you” and you still don’t get up then why would you offer? Seriously? If you want to do the right thing, JUST OFFER THE GODDAMN TABLE. If you want to be nice, just be nice. Don’t be nice on a contingency.

I hope you enjoyed your pizza.